Random Thoughts

Have you ever experienced an increased awareness of how many of the same make and model of your current automobile you seem to notice on the road?  When we started driving a Suburban, I began to notice how many Suburbans there were on the roads.  (Well, in Utah, that may not be a good example.  There have always been lots of Suburbans on the roads because that is a great vehicle for large families!)  Now that I drive a Subaru, I seem to notice every Subaru that drives by.  Is it because of a human need for commonality with others?  

Yesterday when I went to the doctor's office for my first postsurgery appointment, I felt a bit uncomfortable being in public for the first time since surgery.  I tried to look inconspicuous so people would not notice that something seemed to be missing.  At the same time, I found myself casting furtive glances at other women I passed to see if there was any indication that we had recently been through the same experience.  I smiled to think I was just looking for "Subarus".

Last night before I went to bed, I was looking at family Blogs.  I came across news items and pictures that reminded me of Anson's two-year battle with cancer many years ago.  I tried to imagine the impact it had on him at that moment in time.  Even though I silently watched his struggle, I don't think I fully comprehended how hard it was for him.  I am so thankful that he is a survivor.  I think he has more compassion because of it.

When I was driving down for my first doctor visit after receiving word that I now had cancer, I received a confirmation that everything would be okay.  Heavenly Father just needed me to have this exercise in compassion so that I could be a better missionary and representative of Jesus Christ.  Looking back, although it was a hard thing to go through, I can't help but feel like somewhat of a "cheater" as a cancer survivor.  Unless there is a sudden change of opinion, the doctors do not think I need to have either chemotherapy or radiation.  In a matter of weeks, the threat of the beast has abated, and I can look forward to pursuing my goals with only minimal interruption.  I began to wonder if I can call myself a cancer survivor at all in a battle where I didn't even have to draw my sword.